You Know You Live Near a Factory Farm When Your Kids Go Fishing with a Pool Skimmer

An Uncensored Look at Today’s Farming Practices

Blog Special: A first look at the cartoon picture book by Doug Baird – the captions.

  1. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your bug-zapper sounds like a popcorn machine
  2. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when everyone you know is getting cancer.
  3. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the cows are fed on chicken poop and sawdust.
  4. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when they buy more antibiotics than a hospital.
  5. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when a part of the Dead Zone is named after them.
  6. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when their business model is a sweatshop.
  7. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when “manure spreading” means it’s spilled into the river again.
  8. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when USDA Certified means “you stupid, dumb assholes.”
  9. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the Real Estate Disclosure Form is redacted.
  10. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the government inspectors have to make an appointment to visit.
  11. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the morning mist is herbicide.
  12. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when you’re always being told how important they are.
  13. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the lake has more warning signs than tourists.
  14. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your Bed and Breakfast is shut and closed.
  15. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when their biggest supporters live somewhere else.
  16. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the farmers and the regulators are the same people.
  17. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the public is educated to accept the pollution, rather than stop it.
  18. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when it’s a crime to film inside their sheds.
  19. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the DEC makes excuses for them.
  20. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your taxes subsidize their workers, and their workers send it out of the country.
  21. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when their image is Old MacDonald, and their attitude is Stalin.
  22. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when it keeps getting bigger, while your community gets smaller.
  23. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the hills are brown and the lakes are green.
  24. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when you have to pressure-wash your cat.
  25. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your viewscape is turkey vultures circling the offal bins.
  26. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the gases you breathe would get a toxic waste dump shut down.
  27. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when manure comes out of the tap.
  28. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your dog has asthma.
  29. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when blowflies are at the top of the food chain.
  30. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when you have to check the wind direction before you open a window.
  31. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when all the want ads are placed in another country.
  32. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your Representative won’t look you in the eye.
  33. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when a $5 million agribusiness needs a $10 million subsidy.
  34. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your grandparents have to tell the kids what nature used to be like.
  35. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the pitter-patter on your roof isn’t rain.
  36. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when you have to wash your clothes after they come off the line.
  37. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when you pay more taxes for your trailer than they do for their farm.
  38. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when you only drink organic milk, water, bottled water.
  39. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the snow-melt is brown.
  40. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when politicians pretend not to believe what they know to be true.
  41. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when their “hold harmless” argument is the Nuremburg Defense.
  42. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when relative wealth equals relative worth.
  43. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when a million gallon spill gets a $500 fine, and they consider it excessive.
  44. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when everything they do is legal because they write the laws.
  45. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the fields have no animals, and the sheds have no windows.
  46. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your brother is sick from a bacteria no one’s ever seen before.
  47. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when the county authorities won’t return your calls.
  48. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when your kids go fishing with a pool skimmer.
  49. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when it’s no laughing matter.
  50. You know you live near a Factory Farm, when politicians won’t kiss your blue baby.

The End